More Like Her: A Tale of A Fading Yet Growing Love
by maymay330
Summary: Story based on Vampire Academy after Dimitri is restored to his former self. Rose was not tried for murder and the queen is not dead. Dimitri pushes Rose away. So what happens a year later? The last scene to happen is in Spirit Bound on page 430-431.
1. Chapter 1: So Home isn't So Sweet

**Okay so I'll be honest. I found a story on here that inspired me to write my own story. I am going to make it my own though so don't think I'm coping.**

**Story based on Vampire Academy after Dimitri is restored to his former self. Rose was not tried for murder and the queen is not dead. Dimitri pushes Rose away. So what happens a year later? The last scene to happen is in Spirit Bound on page 430-431 when Dimitri tells Rose that love fades and he's given up on her. This story starts one year after that scene. Rose is still with Adrian as well.**

**Here are some songs that have inspired this story:**

**Miranda Lambert-More Like Her**

**Kieth Urban- Tonight I Wanna Cry**

**Celine Dion- My Heart Will Go On**

**Vengaboys-Forever As One**

**Kelly Clarkson- Already Gone**

**Kelly Clarkson- Sober**

**Evanescene- My Immortal**

**Kieth Urban- You'll Think Of Me**

**Dashboard Confessional- Even Now**

**Adele- Rolling In The Deep**

**Adele- Rumor Has It**

**Alexz Johnson- 2 AM**

**Demi Lovato- Don't Forget**

**Leana Lewis- Bleeding Love**

**Leona Lewis- Better In Time**

**Christina Perri- Jar of Hearts**

**Civil Twilight- Letters From The Sky**

**Hinder- Lips of An Angel**

**Neko- I Wish I Was The Moon**

**If there are more I'll post them **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Vampire Academy. However, I do own this story and the plot line. I also do not own the songs above. Those are owned by their respectful artists but don't be surprised to see some of those lyrics and song titles in the story Thank you and please review. If I don't get enough reviews I'm going to have to delete this story.**

_**More Like Her: A Tale of A Fading Yet Growing Love**_

_Chapter 1~ Home is Not So Sweet After All_

"_I've given up on you," he said back, voice also soft. "Love fades. Mine Has."_

Those words have haunted me for the past year. Every day, every minute, every second brings me back to the pain those words have put upon me. I haven't seen or spoke to _him_ since then. I never expected to either. Lissa was finishing packing up her bags as I sat cross-legged on the edge of her dorm room bed. Lissa and I hadn't been back to Court since the day we left for Lissa to begin college. Now here we were a year later heading back to the one place I dreaded most. All because it the place where he was at.

Lissa zipped up her last bag when she finally stopped talking and looked at me. She was excited to go back to court. Her excitement leaked through the bond but unlike the spirit darkness it was not an emotion that touched me too. She was excited to see Christian and spend the summer with him. The distance between Court and the university was far and Lissa only got to see Christian about twice a month and Adrian and he came to visit us. In Lissa's mind, two times a month was not enough time with her boyfriend.

She plopped herself on top of her closed suitcase and sighed, "Rose I…."

I cut her off. I had listened to her all morning, heck all year, say she was sorry about the way things had turned out for me. I didn't want to hear it anymore. It wasn't like I was throwing a yearlong pity party.

"Look Lissa I appreciate the kind words but I just can't take hearing them again."

Lissa looked hurt and I felt bad but I just wasn't in the mod to reassure her right now. I had more prying things on my mind. I felt Lissa through the bond searching for something to say but I also caught the hint of a secret in the back of her mind. It was in an arms grasp yet I couldn't expand my head long enough to touch the thought before she snatched it away. Lissa was hiding something. I was about to demand her to think about it when a knock interrupted my chain of thought. Lisa jumped up from her suitcase on the floor and snatched open the door running into Christian's outstretched arms. The hint of her hidden secret had vanished and now her thoughts were only consumed of love and longing. I put up my mental walls again just in time to be dragged into a hug by Adrian.

"Little dhampir I've missed you." He kissed me softly and pulled back to take a good look at me. I was surprised when he smiled in approval, "You look gorgeous Rose."

Feeling my normal self kick back into a gear I snickered, "Have you gone blind Ivashkov? Since when is messy hair and bags under my eyes considered gorgeous."

Adrian laughed and kissed the dark circled I knew must be under my eyes, "Since always love."

I smiled at his reassurance. I may not have opened myself up completely to love Adrian but a small part of me knew I couldn't have gone a day without knowing he was there. Sure it was nothing compared to the overwhelming love I had for a certain somebody but it was still something. Christian greeted me kindly and tended to the luggage stacked up around the room. Lissa was practically jumping with joy as she helped him carry the bags out to the car that Christian and Adrian had used to get here in. I wasn't surprised when three guardians walked into view. It was typical for royals to travel with protection. Queen Tatiana had made many remarks when Lissa had argued that I was the only guardian she needed to come with her to college. That was an argument we had won.

Once all the bags were thrown around in the big black Escalade. Lissa and Christian jammed into the third row of seat along with a guardian I didn't know too well. I slid into the second row and Adrian followed while another guardian took the seat next to him. The two remaining guardians took the driver and passenger seat. I was a little nervous since they had strapped a few suitcases on the top of the car. I was worried they would fall and cause an accident. I was pondering ways on how I could protect Lissa from a potential car crash when Adrian interrupted my silent worries.

"It's going to be alright Rose." Adrian squeezed my hand tightly. He may be my boyfriend but he also knew I had some very complicated feelings about out relationship. I was surprised he so understood though.

The car became very crowded after about two hours of driving on the road. Lissa and Christian were so engrossed in their conversation that it was a shock when we finally pulled up to the entrance gates of Court. But it wasn't such a surprise to me. The gate made my stomach lurch and for once I was scared.

_Love fades. Mine has._

The words trespassed on my moment of fear. Why was I so scared to be at Court? He didn't love me anymore. I just had to face it. I had to grow up. Wasn't he the one always telling me I was so immature? As soon as that thought scrapped my mind another one did. I time long ago when he told me that I was older than my years. I brushed the though away. I wasn't going to ponder the past when my present was just as much crucial.

The guardian at the gate barely gave us the time of day as they rambled on a cell phone. Apparently something big at Court was happening because the guardians all looked a bit jumbled and disoriented. The car port also was overflowing with a good dozen of extra cars. Through the bond I could feel Lissa become flustered and the hint of the secret she was keeping trying to break through her mental barrier.

The guardian driving pulled the car into a parking slot and immediately jumped out of the car. We all were soon escorted out of the Escalade and the guardian were busy lugging around the suitcases. Christian and Adrian went to help with the load and I was left with Lissa who was almost jumping of her skin with anxiety.

"Whatever your hiding Lissa, why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like it?"

Lissa jumped at the sound f my voice and that one second of shock was all I needed. She had slipped up. She had revealed her secret. Her mind thought about the crisp and fresh invitation that she had shoved into her suitcase before I had woken up this morning. To the time when she had checked her little mail box to find it sitting on a stack of letters from friends.

Her eyes pleaded with me as she saw the expression on my face change, "Please Rose, don't be mad at me."

I swallowed the lump that had built up in my throat, "You knew? You knew about this and you didn't say anything?"

Shock was replaced with anger as Lissa's expression changed into sympathy.

"I thought if I had told you that you wouldn't have returned back to Court with me."

I hated being angry with Lissa but I couldn't help it. She deserved to be yelled at. My voice rose and the group of guardians carrying our luggage, along with Christian and Adrian paused in their work.

"You're so selfish that you have to think of yourself before someone else. You couldn't have told me?"

Realization flashed across Adrian and Christian's face and my anger grew about ten notches.

"You both knew too!"

Adrian took a slow but steady step towards me, "Everyone knows. The wedding is in about two weeks."

My anger was momentarily replaced b a wave of sadness and pain. A small sob escaped my mouth and Lissa reached out a hand to me but I stepped out of the way. I didn't need them. My friends or my boyfriend. They had let me down. Then I thought of all the other people who knew and hadn't even told me either. Then I thought of him. He hadn't even thought to ask Lissa to speak to me. I knew they talked on the phone once in awhile and not once did she ever ass the phone to me for him to tell me something this important. I shook my head trying to escape these feelings but it was unbearable. I knew the way to the room I would have and before any of them could stop me I bolted. I ran down the familiar paths of Court on my way to my room so I could break down in peace. I passed very few Moroi and dhampirs who all gave me a curies glance. It was still daylight so most people weren't awake yet. It took me about ten seconds to realize that my feet had carried me beyond my room and in another direction. My feet came to a standstill outside the door of one of the big churches on campus. This church however had been the same one I had rushed out of a year earlier. I was glad when the heavy doors weren't locked and I slid in. The place was deserted and I quickly made my way to the same pew I had sat in that awful Sunday morning. I sat thee in though.

At that exact moment I knew about two things. One was that I had overreacted and taken my anger out on Lissa. Two was that the man I was still in love with was getting married to a woman I would never be, Tasha Ozera could give him children. He could have a normal live with her. And that's what he had chosen. I was nothing but a memory to him now. That truth crushed my soul and I fought back the urge to scream. Instead I complied with letting my tears fall. They fell onto my cheeks in thick sheets and soon my vision blurred and my head started to spin.

Dimitri Belikov was marrying Tasha Ozera. My life was about to end.

**A/N- This is a short first chapter more coming soon.**


	2. Chapter 2: So This Is Hell

**Author's Note:**** Ok so I just want to thank everyone who commented very much. I also would like to thank you all for breaking a record of mine. That's the most reviews I've ever had in one day. **

**SHOUTOUTS!**

**Ashes2Dust18****~ please don't give up on this story. I'm a big fan of Rose and Dimitri being together as you can tell in my other stories. There will be a few heartbreaking moments but please be for warned that it's always going to come back to Rose and Dimitri being together. Truly hate Tasha Ozera as well…well until she became a queen murder.**

**looserxdorkiiebabe****~ I know it's a wild twist to an already amazing story line. But like said above, it will always come back to Rose and Dimitri being together.**

**Twilighternproud****~ I know her friends really betrayed her but they were only trying to look out for her. They went about it in a totally sucky way though.**

**Behatley****~ more is coming right up so you'll see what happened next.**

**Want your own shout out in one of my stories? Then make your reviews stand out or just review in general.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Vampire Academy or the characters. However, I do own the plot line and the events that take place in this Fan fiction story. I also own the made up character of:**

**Dima Belikov**

_**Chapter 2~So this is hell**_

Sitting in the church, I lost sense of time completely. An hour or two must have passed before some people started pouring into the little church. I glanced at the screen of the cell phone Lissa had bought me for my 19th birthday a few months back. It was now 8:30PM and I knew the vampire day had already begun. I was hoping maybe Lissa or Adrian would come looking for me but my wishes weren't answered. I really wanted to talk about the ice that had seemed to form around my already bruised and broken heart but thinking about it I knew Lissa and Adrian were not the right people to pour my feelings out to at this particular point in time.

Adrian may be my boyfriend and he may put up with a lot with me but he definitely wouldn't want me crying on his shoulder about an ex-boyfriend of mine. That's a way to kill a relationship fast.

Lissa was my best friend but her withholding this deadly secret from me had hurt me almost as much as the fact that Dimitri and Tasha were engaged. But I had to see things from her perspective as well. Even if I didn't like the result. Her and I were bonded and were closer than in ways normal people couldn't be. But she also had a connection with Dimitri. Not a romantic one but a spiritual one. One that made her torn between two people she really cared about. Stupid spirit always had to get in the way. Why couldn't I have just stayed dead the first time? Then things would have never turned out this bad for me.

I had no one to lean on. Thinking that I mentally cursed myself out. I was a guardian and it was my duty to be strong. My emotions were making me become soft and that was not a good quality to have when you were the only guardian to the only last living Dragomir.

I sighed in defeat and began to get up when a hand reached out a gripped my shoulder. It wasn't a hard grasp but my guardian reflexes kicked in anyway sending me whipping around to face the intruder on my sad moment. Expecting to see Adrian or Lissa, you could understand how surprised I was to see a graying old dhampir with dark skin tones looking back at me. It took me a moment to place the name with the face but when I did I felt like I was about to feel a whole lot worse.

"You look just as bad as the last time I saw you." Yeva's attitude surprisingly didn't even bring my smart ass side out, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Yeva pushed back her grey hair and plopped down on the pew. The whole time her eyes never left mine but it was painful to return the glare. After awhile I had to avert my eyes to the ground. Her eyes were too much like his and I already had a feeling I'd have to face his eyes too much this summer at Court.

"You still hold traces of a broken heart. It's written all over your face. I take it you've heard the _joyous _news?" Yeva's voice carried hints of disapproval and her tone seemed a bit sympathetic as well. I sighed in defeat. I may have not been throwing a yearlong pity party but others were defiantly doing it on my behalf.

"And I take it you don't approve of this marriage." I said watching her tone of disapproval and finally meeting her eyes.

Yeva was smiling, "No I approve." I must have frowned because she continued, "Don't get me wrong though. I approve of Dimitri getting married. It's about time he settled down. But I believe that he has rushed this marriage and in rushing has chosen the wrong woman to marry."

I was now frowning, "Wrong woman? Then who's the right one for him?"

Yeva smiled wider, "A woman, who risked her own chances of having a career, abandoned a Royal to whom she was bonded with and has suffered great deals of pain and lose just to return him to his normal self."

I looked away and frowned some more. I really wanted to cry but I was much too proud to do so, "He doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't love me. His love has faded."

My voice cracked and betrayed the hurt I felt and I almost jumped when I felt Yeva's cool hand pat my back, "Now I disagree with you. Dimitri doesn't know what he wants. And yes love can fade but Rose love can also grow. It's been a year I believe since you've both seen each other. I can see the same look in him that was once in you…that still is in you…when you realized you had lost the man you loved. And the way he looks at that Ozera woman it's obvious that he doesn't love her. He cares for her. There's a difference. A difference I hope he sees when he sees you again."

A few traitor tears escaped from my closed eyelids. Yeva was right.

_Love fades. Mine has._

Love did fade. But love could grow to. But was I the kind of girl who was willing to sabotage a wedding for my own wants…my own needs?

I didn't even have to think about it before I knew the answer.

I would do anything for Dimitri. But I couldn't bring my head to agree with my heart. I must have seemed a bit shocked because Yeva sighed heavily and stood up, "Come on Rose. There are people who wish to see you."

I hesitated. And then I laughed. Yeva looked at me like I was crazy but I just waved my hand at her and followed her.

Dimitri had taught me to never hesitate. A lesson that I had failed when trying to kill him. I was relived I hadn't though. Yet here I was still hesitating. I guess some things could never be learned.

Yeva didn't talk on the whole way to the little condos that lined Court. I was very aware that somewhere in this houses lived a good friend of mine, Mia Rinaldi. She probably had hidden this secret from me too. I frowned, something I was doing a lot of today, yet kept up with the fast old lady. She stopped at a door and didn't even knock but turned the knob walking right in. I was reluctant to follow her in wondering what kind of audience waited for me but I followed Yeva right in to be welcomed by too many of the same dark faces that held the same dark brown eyes as the Russian god I loved.

Viktoria threw her arms around me before I even had time to register the room.

"Oh Rose! I'm so happy to see you! I finally graduated. I got my promise mark just like you told me to do."

As she hugged me her voice dropped so that only I could hear, "You were right about Rolan. I'm sorry I treated you the way I did."

I patted her pack and smiled at her surprised that my appearance had actually brought tears to her eyes.

Olena was next to hug me after Viktoria had stepped away and I was surprised to see her eyes too water up, "Rose honey why did you leave like that. No note, no call. I was so worried about you. I'm glad to see you healthy and alive darling." She kissed my cheek and held my face in her warm soft hands, "Dear you need to get some rest. You look like you've been to hell and back."

I just smiled, "Don't worry about me. There's enough time to sleep when I'm dead."

She frowned but released me anyways. And she was right. I felt like I had been to hell today.

Karolina and her kids, Paul and Soya each gave me a hug next. Each of them seemed to brighten up when they saw me and I was surprised that Paul even remembered me. Sonya was next and I almost didn't recognize her. Her pregnant belly no longer existed but a little baby was strapped to her side like a sack of flour, "This is Dima. I named her after Dimitri. We didn't know he was alive and well…I wanted something to remember my brother by."

I smiled and was relieves that her cranky pregnant attitude was a constant mood for her. Each of the Belikovs began to talk in excited voices. They asked how I had been and like Olena were a little hurt that I hadn't stayed in Russia to say goodbye but had disappeared in the night. We must have been talking loudly because that's when I heard the voice. A voice that had my blood begin to warm and my heart flutter with joy.

"What are you all so hyped up abo…"Dimitri's voice carried out from the open doorway that must have led to other regions of the house. As soon as he saw me his speech died out. I met Yeva's eyes and they seemed to be sparkling. She smiled and I didn't even need her to tell me what she was hoping I would do. I was going to kill Dimitri with kindness. Pretend that he hadn't hurt me and that I didn't even care he was getting married. As soon as the smile spread across my face I knew it felt wrong but Yeva nodded in encouragement. The gypsy like woman must have known my plan.

I turned my gaze from Yeva to Dimitri realizing the room was dead silent and expectant. I stood and placed my hands on my hips, "Well isn't that a greeting if I ever saw one? Hello Dimitri it's been too long good friend." I walked right up to him and gave him a little hug. His body was stiff and he still looked like he had seen a ghost. I didn't want to let go but I did and I kept my fake smile plastered to my face. I was hoping my eyes weren't showing the pain that this was causing me.

Finally the kick ass guardian came out in him and his expression changed. I was hoping I also wasn't imagining the pain that seeped through his voice, "Hello Rose. It's nice to see you."

I smiled and laughed, "Then how come you look like you've seen a ghost?" I didn't give him time to answer before I turned my back and looked at his family. They each could see through my fake smile I could tell and each of their faces showed hints of sorrow and sympathy. Stupid pity party.

"Thank you Yeva for bringing me here and it was nice to see all of you but I really think I should get back to Lissa."

Olena rose from her perch on a wooden stool, "Oh won't you stay for dinner Rose. You've been working straight protecting the Dragomir princess for a year. You deserve some down time and we all have missed you so much. It would be nice to catch up."

I could see the plea in her eyes so I averted my own gaze. I knew I would give in if I looked at her too long. But then my eyes caught a new pair. Viktoria rose and stood u next to her mother, "Yes please Rose won't you stay? I have so much to tell you. We all do. And you were right about Nikolai too. Please stay. I insist."

I didn't even answer before Yeva chirped in Russian. I had no clue what she said but Olena smiled, "Then it's settled. Rose will stay for dinner as well then and you won't even have to worry. Lissa and Christian are in the kitchen anyways."

A quick check of the bond proved her right. I kept my smile in place but it faltered a bit as I realized there was no chance to escape this situation. It was time for me to stand up and prove I wasn't a silly school girl hung up over a crush and the loss of her first love. I was Rose Hathaway. A guardian to Lissa Dragomir. I had to be strong for her. But turning around and meeting Dimitri's somewhat borderline angry faces he glared at his family members sent shivers of pain and fear up my spine. Great.

Olena was wrong. I hadn't gone to hell yet. I was just about to enter it.


	3. Chapter 3: Last Kiss

_A/N: I'm picking up this story again. I have not written anything for this story in over a year so please bare with me. I reread the first two chapters and I see there was a few mistakes. Just to clear the air, Lissa and Rose are at Court not the Academy. I will revise those chapters later on. This is a short chapter but I felt it was necessary._

_This chapter in inspired by Taylor Swift's song Last Kiss. The lyrics in the story are italicized and belong rightfully to their wonderful artist._

**Chapter Three: Last Kiss**

There are many things in life that just tend to piss you the hell off. In my life, one of those things was Tasha Ozera. Dimitri had seemed livid at his family for encouraging me to stay and I was in the same boat with him. I would have loved to be anywhere but the house of him and his bride to be.

I was ushered into the kitchen and out to the small patio that was located in the backyard. There were clinking of glasses and laughter. Lissa and Christian were laughing so hard that they were nearly in tears. All of that laughter soon vanished as I walked through the open sliding glass door. Standing facing Lissa and Christian was a tall Moroi woman with jet black hair that had grown longer within the year since I had seen her. Natasha Ozera turned to see what had made her company all of sudden look wild eyed. With my smile plastered firmly and painfully to my face, I watched as her blue eyes widened and she dropped the tray of iced tea and lemonade she was carrying. The tray and cups made an audible clunk as glass broke. I heard a snicker from behind me and turned to see who had thought the situation funny. Viktoria stood in a cluster with her family. She sidled up to her brother who was still trying t avoid eye contact with me. The room was bizarrely quiet and Tasha was shell shocked by my appearance. I took a moment of gratitude that i had this much effect over her. Dimitri seemed to recover first as she rushed to Tasha's side to help her clean up the mess of broken glass. Then he did something that sat lava throughout my body and my heart clench with so much pain. He took her hand and squeezed, bringing her back to life. Her blue eyes met his and the look sent shivers down my burning body.

The realization hit me hard. Dimitri and Tasha were really getting married. It was not just something I had dreamt up inside my head.

_You told me you loved me_

The look in their eyes showed a deep passion. It was too much to bare. I had remembered a time when he had looked at me just the same way he was staring at Tasha. Yet, I wasn't her. I didn't have the ability to give him a family, to make him happy. He didn't love me anymore. That thought sent the lava deeper inside the core of my heart. I felt myself gasp as I watched the scene in front of me. And no matter how much the Belikov's wanted me to stay, or how much Yeva was counting on me to make things right, I could not bare to stay in their house any longer. I turned on my heel and pushed through the door and straight to the front door, just as a stray tear fell down my face.

_So why did you go away?_

I knew it was going to be hard to have to face Dimitri. I had spent the last few hours mopping on a church pew working up the courage to face this fear. The fear of him actually being in love with Tasha Ozera. But I had given him his life back. Of course with Lissa ut still. I had known who he was even without his heart beating. Because I knew him. And I knew his heart beat with passion. I knew his heart used to beat for me.

_The beat of your heart_

_It jumps through your shirt_

_I can still feel your arms_

He was happy. He didn't need me as much as I needed him. I felt like a coward for rushing from the house of that happy couple. When I felt a safe distance away I fell to my knees in the grass of a small garden on Court. The tears fell and I felt my whole body break. I had been holding all this hurt and pain in for a year. I felt my body shudder with a sob.

_I don't know to be something you miss._

He loved her. That thought I could not escape. I was a fool. A damn fool. He had told me his love had faded. I had felt hope when talking to Yeva. But that look that had been so deep had broken it all. It had broken me. I remembered when he used to hold me, used to kiss me.

_How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something_

_There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions_

How had it all become like this? How had I lost him to Tasha? What did she have that I didn't? Had being strigoi really changed the man I loved? The man that had loved me.

_I never thought we would have a last kiss._

_Never imagined we'd end like this._

What had changed me life so drastically. I thought back to the cabin. Something I had refused to think about for a year. And as I thought about it, I felt like my chest had been pryed open, and someone had ripped my beating heart out and was squeezing it as I suffered. He had kissed me. He had had sex with me. He had told me it would all be okay. That we would make it all work no matter what. He had called me his, and I had called him mine.

_Your name, forever the name on my lips._

I wondered if he had suffered at all without me. If he had felt like this. This deep agonizing pain that tore at every essence of my body. Did he even remember our moments?

_I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe_

_And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are_

_Hope it's nice where you are_

I felt my breath heave one last sob before it hit me. What on earth was I doing? I had a boyfriend who loved me even if I carried a broken heart and old feelings for someone else. I had a responsibility to Lissa, and sitting here breaking down was not fulfilling that duty. I needed to grow up. To do as Yeva had said and let him come to me. Let him realize that the love me had...it didn't just fade away. Our love was too deep. It was permanently tattooed on both of us and I knew Dimitri. I knew he felt it too. It was why he couldn't look at me.

_And I hope the sun shines_

_And it's a beautiful day_

_And something reminds you_

_You wish you had stayed_

_You can plan for a change in weather and time_

_But I never planned on you changing your mind_

So it would hurt. Boy would it hurt. I would have to endure Tasha and Dimitri. But it would be worth it. I refused to believe we had had our last kiss. Because his lips had been and still were meant only for mine. So I would endure it. Because I was Rose Hathaway.

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last kiss_

_Forever the name on my lips_

_Forever the name on my lips_

_Just like our last..._

****And I never went down without a fight.


	4. Chapter 4: Big Girl Panties

A/N:

Fiera Hathaway- Read and find out :) We all know Rose and Dimitri will be together but whether Dimitri loves Tasha our not...well...that's a secret :P You never know.

Romitri- Thank you for the advice. It was funny that I read that review after mapping out the next three chapters because we were both thinking sort of the same things. Glad you liked it. And yes, I'm back with this story. I'm working on More Like Her, Memoirs of a Hathaway and I am also thinking of picking up Shadow Promised as well. As for right now my two focuses are Memoirs and this one.

ladora- No worries. More updates soon. I won't be taking a year anymore :)

Rose-loves-dimitri- Yes, I felt that way after reading it myself. The song really did go well. I have a few more songs that will make appearances in later chapters.

JordanJas- I try my best to be original.

bboop12- Very correct. His guilt is eating at him.

Want my next chapter dedicated to you? Want to be a character in this story or Memoirs? Then review and private message me with your name. I'll then send you a list of 'interview questions' and pick who I feel has answered the questions best. Until next time. Enjoy :)

Chapter 4: Big Girl Panties

After my little meltdown in the garden, I had taken it upon myself to walk very slowly back to my room at Court. Luck for me, I got to sleep with no interruptions.

Well...until Lissa came knocking at my door the next morning.

I answered the door and she looked at me from head to toe. I was still wearing the clothes from our trip to Court and I was in desperate need of a shower and a large cup of coffee, even though the taste usually was not my favorite.

Lissa did not seem very shocked as she pushed her way inside and slammed the door. However, I was shocked at the amount of anger radiating from her through the bond and in person.

"This is it Rose!" She screamed and her jade eyes widened. I could feel her deep temper run through the bond. I searched her head for the source of her anger and came up empty since her head was too consumed with spirit and rage.

"This is it! I'm tired of this Rose. Snap out of it. You love him, It's written all over your face and god dammit that's not going to help him realize that marrying Tasha is a fucking horrible mistake. So put on your damn big girl panties and start being the Rose Hathaway that I used to know. The badass who escaped the Academy with me!"

Lissa took a deep breath and her fury seemed to simmer down slightly, " Just stop looking so pathetic Rose. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to give you a dose of tough love. It's time to toughen up. Because I can't handle another year of biting my tongue and watching you slither away into this person I don't even recognize. It's been forever since I've seen a real smile across your face and light your eyes. Stop playing the victim and get up and fight dammit!"

And she was right. I was momentarily shocked at her abruptness and I little hurt by the words she had rattled off, but there was no denying it. She was absolutely right! I had told myself the same thing last night. I didn't go down without a fight. But where had my fight been? I hadn't fought back. No, I was too wounded and traumatized by fears and words that I had forgotten not to hesitate and let it all go and fight like it my last moment.

So I didn't blow up at Lissa the way I felt my body wanting to. I didn't even show anger. I just nodded my head and smiled. A smile that made her take a step back. Because it was a real smile, a smile that lit up my eyes. And it felt good. It felt good to be somewhat content. Because I was done throwing the pity party I had told myself I was not throwing. I was done being a child about it all. And I was ready to fight back. To fight for the heart of that Russian god. Even if it meant enduring his 'love' for Tasha. Even if it meant denying my heart its beat. I was strong, and I was a Hathaway. So I would have to return to my original plan. To kill him with kindness. To act like I was happy for him. Even if it was painful to watch.

"Your right." I told her. She was stunned to silence and it took me a moment to actually laugh at her expression. An expression that turned even more stunned at my laughter. And it oly made me laugh harder. And it felt good. It felt good to laugh and feel my lips spread into a smile. Lissa recovered and smiled too as she gave me a big hug.

"I just want you to be happy Rose. I want my best friend back...my sister. " I felt happy tears brim to my eyes but not trespass on this life changing moment. I missed being close to Lissa and not hating her because she had a connection with the man I loved, something I would die for.

Lissa pulled away slightly and frowned, " So will you come with me today? Tasha has made me her Maid of Honor and well...I need to be fitted for my dress...so would you please come?"

The thought was not appealing. But it was what I needed. It was a step in the direction to showing I was okay. I laughed in my head. I felt like an alcoholic in a 10 step program...or whatever it was. So here was the first step. Acceptance. I had to accept that this was all actually happening. I had accept the fact that I was happy for Dimitri (even though I totally was not!).

So that's how an hour later I found myself at one of the most expensive bridal shops at Court in a pink plush love seat watching as Lissa was talking to the seamstress about where the dress was too big or too tight. I was showered (thank god) and dressed in a simple navy short sleeve shirt and a pair of my favorite jeans that were easy to move in.

The shop was anything but crowded. There was hardly anyone inside, except an elderly Moroi couple and their daughter who was trying to return her wedding dress because her husband had recently decided he wasn't ready yet. The girl looked like she was going to pass out because the cashier was not able to take the dress back.

I didn't ponder too much on that situation. I was too busy watching Lissa as the long navy blue silk dress was fitted to her. As Maid of Honor, she had more freedom with her dress and it was essential that it was different then the bridesmaids. Which at the moment it was not. Lissa was offering ideas as to how the dress could be different. She had finally decided on a one shoulder that would be different than the strapless bridesmaid dresses. Extra beading was also going to be added to the shoulder piece. Lissa was just about to step off of the fitting stand when Tasha came bustling through the door in a panic. Luck for me she hadn't noticed me, and I couldn't ignore the fact that she seemed slightly heavier than last time I had seen her. It was probably just my mind playing tricks since I hated the woman.

"Oh Lissa! The wedding is a disaster. One of my cousins just dropped out because of a petty dislike for one of my other cousins in the wedding party and now I'm down a bridesmaid. I have to have ten bridesmaids, I just have to! The surprise dance at the reception just won't work out without another one. Oh what am I going to do?" She fell into a chair and stared at the floor.

Lissa seemed a bit flustered but finally recovered, " Well how about Dimitri's sisters?"

Tasha just shook her head, " They already are in it."

Lissa frowned and looked at the saleslady who also looked as if she wanted to run. Unhappy brides were unpleasant. Hello look at the girl at the cashier stand causing a scene over returning a dress.

Lissa looked at me apologetically before turning to Tasa who was now gazing at the ceiling almost in tears.

"Well there is another option." Lissa said slowly. Tasha's eyes whipped towards her fast, " Anything." She said desperately.

Before I could stop Lissa. The thought was already out of her mouth, " Rose could fill in the bridesmaid spot."

Tasha glanced at me, noticing me for the first time. I was too angry with Lissa to actually seem angry. I knew she was trying to help and I knew I said I would try and accept the wedding. But really? Did I have to be part of this damn wedding?

Apparently I had no choice since Tasha finally agreed (reluctantly) and ten minutes later I was standing on the podium Lissa had been fitted on.

Tasha's cousin's dress was very tight on my body. I stood as the seamstress measured my body.

"I'm going to have to start this dress from scratch Miss Ozera." The seamstress said. Tasha sighed, " I imagined you would."

I felt myself become...well...embarrassed. Something I had never felt before. It was not my fault I was not a slender Moroi. I had curves unlike them. So I stood there trying to seem happy as I was picked and prodded at.

Eventually I was able to remove the dress from my body and take a seat with Lissa as Tasha wrapped up some things with the seamstress. Apparently having to redo the bridesmaid dress was putting a dent in Tasha's wedding fund. She finally got the seamstress to make the dress half off seeing as how she had threatened to move her business to another shop.

Tasha walked over to Lissa and I and she seemed to be taking me in. It was the first time she had actually looked at me and to be honest it was rather uncomforting. So I stood and decided to get the show on the road.

"Ready Lissa?" I asked turning away from the woman who had stolen my dreams and every hope. Lissa didn't get a chance to answer before Tasha interrupted, " You both are invited to dinner tonight. We are having an announcement party tonight for the wedding."

"Oh that sounds great. Doesn't it Rose?" Lissa said gushing. She was a sucker for weddings.

I turned and gazed at Tasha whose blue eyes seemed to hold an emotion I couldn't place, " Yes it does." I said smiling under her scrutiny.

Tasha turned her gaze away, " See you tonight Lissa." The she turned to me and her gaze was hard, " Rosemarie."

With that she was gone and I felt a sudden relief. Lissa began scrambling for words, " I'm sorry Rose. It was just...well.. I mean it would help in having Dimitri realize that this is a mistake you know and well...I'm sorry Rose."

I smiled at her. Sure I was angry, but I knew her intentions were well, " It's fine Lissa."

No more words about Dimitri and Tasha's wedding was mentioned as I walked her and Christian's room and headed toward my own room.

I was slightly surprised to find a note on my door. Especially when I read who it was from.

Rose,

I would like to apologize for my actions last night. My behavior was very rude. Please allow me to make it up by joining me for coffee this afternoon.

Your Friend,

Dimitri Belikov

I had two thoughts as I read the note. The first was to run and go cry my heart out and the second was to go and see Dimitri and all his glory. So I went. It had been so long since I had walked the paths of Court but I found my way to the cafe I knew was Dimitri's favorite. And sure enough there he sat, drinking from a white coffee cup. He had taken the privilege to already buy me coffee as it sat across from him and I watched from the window as he sipped his coffee and read from a gardening magazine. It was actually quite comical. I was used to him reading westerns. Not gardening magazines. I guess a lot changed in a year. I refused to actually look at him. It honestly hurt too much and I was already putting all my real emotions on the back burner to deal with later. So I sighed and as Lissa had said this morning, I put on my big girl panties and sucked it up.

I approached the small table and felt my old self kick in. The old Rose I had not seen in a year.

"Into gardening now Comrade?" I said taking a seat across from him and watching as me lowered the magazine. It was painful. His eyes were still the same but there were traces of dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept well. Yet I kept my focus on not breaking down. I needed to be strong now more than ever.

He looked at the magazine and shrugged, " It's actually a very interesting hobby. There's a small patch of vegetables growing in our backyard and I've taken it upon myself to tend to them."

The conversation seemed so natural and the silence hung as I watched him take me in. He finally looked at me and for once I couldn't read him. I didn't understand what was behind his eyes and expression.

He put the magazine down on the table and sipped from his coffee before continuing, " I invited you here to apologize in person. I was rather rude to you last night and I'm sorry that my rudeness made you so uncomfortable to leave lie you did. It was not hospitable at all. Tasha has told me you took the open space in the bridal party."

I picked up the still lukewarm cup of coffee and took a hesitant sip, " It was really no big deal. I'm happy to do it."

Dimitri stayed quiet and his tone changed as he continued, " I just felt it was necessary to clear the air. I feel we left off on a bad note and considering I am getting married, I just wanted to make sure we could at least obtain some sort of friendship after everything."

Everything. He wanted to be friends after saying he loved me? After having sex with me and taking my virginity? After telling me all the things he had said and sharing all those hot passionate kisses? Okay...two could play this game.

"No problem. Consider it done." I said taking another sip so as not to erupt in laughter at his idiocy.

Dimitri glanced at his watch and sighed, " Sorry to run. But I do have to go to my own fitting. I will see you tonight though."

I stood as he did and it was slightly awkward as he hesitantly gave me a one shoulder hug. And his touch was too much. I wanted to break. But i held it together.

"Sure will." I said and walked out the doors after giving him a small smile. The tears didn't come this time. Mostly because I refused to let them. And probably because I ran right into Adrian as I exited the cafe.

"Well there you are Little dhampir. You are a hard person to track down." He said in a witty tone. He took in my look and frowned slightly, " Come on Rose. I think I have something that will cheer you up."

****And with that he took my hand and I walked away with the guy that loved me...leaving behind the guy that I loved.


	5. Chapter 5: A Mistake

A/N: Inspired by the song Cry By Rihanna.

Chapter 4: A Mistake

Adrian's suggestion to all my problems turned out to be a little shopping spree. I was shocked when we walked into one of the big name shops in Court. I turned to Adrian slightly confused who just shrugged. I raised an eyebrow and he seemed to turn a bit sad.

"Let's stop pretending Rose. I know you love Dimitri. But I love you. And watching you hurt. Well...it's not worth it. So I've decided to help you. You were invited to that dinner thing tonight. Lissa told me. So I'll help you with her crazy plan to have you play hard to get. But I won't be happy about it. But if it will keep you from looking so depressed and make you happy. Then I'm willing to try and let you get the closure you need from Dimitri in order to be with me."

His speech had taken a weird turn. I loved Adrian. As a friend. I could not harbor the feelings I had for Dimitri in him. It just was not the same. I wasn't the type to fall in love.

I'm not the type to get my heart broken

I'm not the type to get upset and cry

'cause I never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

But maybe I had never given Adrian the chance he deserved for my heart. I had been closed off. Closed off from feeling. But it didn't matter. I wanted Dimitri. As for Adrian...well I didn't want him to be hurt, and he and I both knew where this was going to come down to. So if it saved him a whole lot of pain to pretend there was any chance of me ever falling in love with him...well then I would let him hold on to that tiny speck of hope.

Relationships don't get deep to me

Never got the whole in love thing

And someone can say they love me truly

But at the time it didn't mean a thing

So when he said he loved me I didn't get that pitter patter in my heart like with Dimitri. But it felt nice to hear that someone out there cared that deeply about me. Adrian sighed and pulled out a shiny gold credit card, " This should be enough to cover anything you want. You are in desperate need of new clothes. I miss the Rose who dressed in more than just one color shirts and jeans. Go wild...and have fun."

I hesitated. Something I still could not seem to stop doing.

"Adrian I really can't..."

He put his index finger to my lips, " I don't want to hear it Little Dhampir." Then he placed a tiny kiss on my lips before smiling and walking out the shop's door. I was left stunned. Adrian never seemed to understand how much it was a blow to my ego to let me spend his money. Although he was right. I had taken it upon myself to actually not care about my appearance anymore. I mean hello. I was attending college classes with Lissa daily. She had me taking the same classes as her and well...it was not my cup of tea. So I had changed. I had actually picked up a pencil and learned some things. (Shocker right?) I had learned to not care about how I looked. Because there was no one to impress. And why dress nicely when you don't feel nicely about yourself? But things had changed. Adrian new it. Lissa knew it. Heck I knew it. There was someone to impress now. So I ignored how much it struck my pride to spend his cash and well...spent it.

Okay well not alot of it. I bought myself a two day time dress (clearance), about five nice blouses and two party dresses along with two purses and a pair of heels and sandals. I was shocked really when the total came out. I had paid for the clothes half with my own money and half with Adrian's. It made me feel slightly better to not depend totally on the credit card Adrian had given me.

After shopping, I made my way back to my room. There was two hours till I had to be ready for that party I was not looking forward too and somehow...after having coffee with Dimitri and having a shopping spree thanks to Adrian...I still felt icky and on the verge of wanting to cry. But I didn't. I couldn't. I was all teared out so to speak.

My mind is gone, I'm spinning round

And deep inside, my tears I'll drown

When Lissa knocked on my door and hour and a half later and I still was not ready she almost had a heart attack.

"Rose! This is not going to have Dimitri running back in your arms. Get ready." She pulled one of the evening dresses I had bought earlier that afternoon. It was black and rather short. It had spaghetti straps. It had a belt at the waist and a v neck line. She handed it to me and her eyes demanded I get ready now or she was going to throw me out the window. I didn't argue. I put on the dress and was pleased that it actually did look nice with the black leather jacket and ankle booties I had matched it with. I came out of the bathroom and Lissa smiled. Then she looked at my hair.

"Wear it down and you'll be fine." She said rushing me out the door. I released my hair from the bun it had been in all day and was thankful it had gotten a slight wave to it. It actually did look nice and I really did feel good about myself as I strolled through Court with Lissa. I got a lot of attention and it made me feel really good. It had been ages since I had gotten male attention like that.

The walk to Dimitri and Tasha's small home was not very long. Lissa knocked on the door and Viktoria answered. She was all smiles when she saw me and offered me a hug.I was also surprised as I walked through the door to find that this announcement party was not as big as I thought it would be. It consisted of Dimitri's family, Christian, Lissa and Adrian and I.

I stood in the living room as Adrian approached me. He put his hands on my shoulders to remove my coat, "May I my lady?" I smiled as he took my coat and put it on a nearby coat rack. Yeva was holding a sleeping Dima in her arms as she rocked back and forth in a rocking chair. Olena was busy with Paul and Zoya keeping them entertained. There was no sign of Sonya or Karolina. Lissa and Christian were smiling because they matched. Lissa was wearing a grey sundress and Christian was wearing grey slacks and a white long sleeve. They were like two kids snickering in the corner. I guess the time away from Christian was too much for Lissa. She was acting like a little girl again, which was rather cute. I took a seat with Adrian, who already had a champagne glass to his lips. The smell of clove cigarettes hung to his breath.

"You look stunning Rose." Adrian said, looking me up and down and appreciating what he saw. I nudged him and smiled, " Don't let your eyes fall out." He gave a small grin. Viktoria sat cross legged on the floor. Zoya had found it her duty to sit in her aunt's lap. Viktoria looked between Adrian and I curiously, " Are you two dating?" She asked and I could hear the hint of humor in her voice.

Adrian smiled, " Yes." He answered and placed a small kiss on my cheek. A kiss that was interrupted by the appearance of Dimitri Belikov himself. It was hard not to look at him. He was wearing black slacks and a black button up shirt. He was stunning and he made my heart jump. Yet I ignored it.

His eyes met mine and I knew had seen the kiss Adrian had given me. I smiled because I felt like smiling. But Dimitri's eyes seemed odd as he gave a tiny nod in my direction. Viktoria rolled her eyes, " Are those three done arguing yet? At this rate we will never get to eat." Lissa and Christian snapped out of their little bubble as Lissa frowned, " Who is argueing?" She questioned, her face looking innocent and bewildered. Viktoria rolled her eyes once more, " Tasha, Sonya and Karolina. Tasha wanted to make her famous tomato soup for dinner but Karolina and Sonya had already been making filet mignon and garlic bread."

I felt my face frown, " So why don't they make both?" It was a simple compromise. The garlic bread would have been great with the soup.

Viktoria heaved a sigh, " That's what Sonya and Karolina said but Tasha said no. It had to be perfect."

I felt the urge to join Viktoria in her eye rolling. Tasha was so much of a pain in the behind. How could Dimitri put up with all her pickiness.

Dimitri narrowed his eyes at his sister, " Lay off Viktoria. Tasha's been very stressed lately and it's not good for her. This wedding is really taking its toll on her."

Yeva seemed to return to the room from where ever she had been lost in thought, " Then why pressure her into something she can not handle. If she was ready to get married she would not care if everything was so perfect so as long as you and her both ended up in the same spot for the same reason."

Dimitri sighed and it seemed like this conversation came up a lot, " Not now Yeva." With that Tasha walked into the room and again I seemed to notice that she was slightly heavier then she used to be. It was probably all the stress from planning her "perfect" wedding. She was wearing an orange blouse that flowed down her body and a pair of leggings. Her face looked red and she seemed to not be very happy as she announced, " Dinner is served."

Dimitri followed after his fiance, and the Belikovs reluctantly went with them. Lissa and I were the last two to get up and walk after and I felt her hand grab my wrist and squeeze. I met her eyes and through the bond I heard her whisper it would all be okay and that I was doing a great job. I smiled as I took my seat next to Adrian at the long dinner table. The children had a small plastic table set up in the corner, and I watched as Viktoria set Zoya down in her seat. Taking a look at the table, I could see that Sonya and Karolina had finally won seeing as there was steak, garlic bread, tomato soup, and a green salad on the table. Conversation at dinner went by slowly. Everyone was at a lose of what to talk about. Until Olena picked it up a few beats, " So Rose, how is it being out there in the human world?" I took a sip of my water and felt myself get a little shy as everyone, except for Tasha seemed very interested. Dimitri put his hand over Tasha's on the table and again I saw a flicker in their eyes. I looked away. I needed to be strong.

'm losing grip, what's happening

I stray from love, this is how I feel

"It's rather different. I actually take classes with Lissa." Lissa snickered," Can you believe Rose has a higher GPA than I do?" I felt my cheeks burn and I shrugged as I played with my food. I saw Dimitri's eyes turn towards me as shock crossed his face. He probably did not think I was capable of getting good grades. Dinner soon ended and dessert was served. Olena had made apple pie. It tasted delicious. I was on my second bite when Tasha cleared her voice, " Dimitri and I have an announcement to make."

She smiled and her eyes glowed as she gazed at Dimitri who took her hand.

"We wanted to thank you all for coming and helping us with our wedding." Tasha said. Dimitri nodded and spoke, " And also to Rose for stepping in today and becoming one of the bridesmaids."

Tasha seemed slightly irritated at his interruption but ignored it as she continued, " But we called you all here tonight to announce something that we just found out a few days ago."

Tasha smiled and the whole table was antsy as again Tasha spoke, " We wanted to announce that I'm six weeks pregnant." She smiled and squeezed at Dimitri's hand, " We are having a baby."

And then I felt it. That deep urge to just hurl.

This time was different

Felt like, I was just a victim

And it cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now I'm, in this condition

And I've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

The room was silent and even though I wanted to scream my lungs out, I didn't. Dimitri did not deserve to see me fall apart. I felt sick and apparently I was not the only one who felt that way.

Olena opened her mouth but no sound came out. Again she tried to make her voice work but all that came was silence. Viktoria was the one who finally jumped in, " Are you fucking kidding me?" And in that one sentence she summed up my thoughts entirely.

How did I get here with you, I'll never know?

I never meant to let it get so, personal

And after all I tried to do, to stay away from loving you

I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know

And I won't let it show

You won't see me cry

I held it all in. Dimitri and Tasha were getting married. They were having a baby. Suddenly Olena's apple pie did not seem so appetizing anymore. Tasha's face fell as she rushed from the room. Dimitri stood to go after her but I felt myself speaking, " No." I said. I didn't want him to run after her.

I don't know why I said it but I quickly found myself trying to stumble to cover my slip.

"I'll go get get her." I said, rising from my seat and following the hallway down to where Tasha had disappeared. I found her in the master bedroom. She laid face down on the mattress sobbing. I closed the door behind me. She obviously did not know it was me.

"Oh Dimitri. I just can't do this. Your family hates me." She turned and was shocked when her eyes fell upon me, " What do you want?"

I felt my voice crack, " We both know I'm not happy for you." Tasha laughed without humor as her blue eyes met mine.

"Then why are you in here?" She asked her voice rude.

"Because I love him. And you know it. That's why you hate the fact I'm here. But I have news for you Tasha Ozera. He doesn't love you. And that baby inside you. That was a damn mistake. And one day...Dimitri is going to see that. He's going to realize that all you are is a damn rebound."

Tasha stood and I felt the ground under me begin to become hot. She was using magic on me. She finally gave up.

"There's no point. If I hurt you he'll just be mad at me." Tasha said plotting down on the bed.

I couldn't get it out of my head that Tasha and Dimitri had had sex. In this very room. It was too much.

I felt a tear begin to slide, but I caught it, " Just know Tasha, that I won't give up. Even if it takes Dimitri years. I won't give up on him. I won't."

**And I walked away. I didn't even go back to the dining room. I walked straight out the front door and felt the cool air on my skin. I knew Dimitri had moved on. That he supposedly loved Tasha. But the fact that he had had sex with her, and shared a moment like that with her. Well it really set a fire and determination within my body. A new hatred had begun to form within me. One that was not towards Tasha. I was beginning to hate Dimitri. All because he was choosing the wrong woman.**


	6. Chapter 6: Didn't You Know How Much

I won't say this again. If you do not like my story then do not read it or comment on it. Simple as that. As too all my positive feedback thank you all. Thank for the kind commentary. Yes I love the strong Rose too. Trust me, she won't be so weak all the time.

Lyrics from Kellie Pickler's song Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You.

Chapter 6- Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You?

How dare he! I had not slept a wink the night after the party. Nope. I sat there and destroyed almost every beautiful thought I had about Dimitri Belikov. He was no longer the Russian god who had swept me off my feet. No he was a monster. Somewhere deep within him he was still strigoi. The essence of that being who had killed innocents was still there. Because the man I had known had been sweet. He had cared about his family's wants, their opinions. Nope. The Dimitri that resides here at Court was a complete and total asshole. So as I sat there and flipped through random TV channels all night, I contemplated the last year that had passed by. Lissa had been right. I had sat around playing the victim all year long. Dimitri's words had left my heart broken. But his actions now had given me a sense of closure. Actually what Adrian had hoped. Tasha and Dimitri deserved each other. Who was I too sit around and cry? Sure, my heart was broken. Sure, I loved that man. But I was not the type of girl to steal a bride's groom. I was not the type of woman to steal a child their father. I had been fatherless my whole life. I could not do that to another soul. A soul that was innocent in this fucked up situation. And the fact of Dimitri's sex life was just another thing to add to all the things that I just hated to think about.

I remember the way you made love to me

Like I was all you'd ever need

Did you change your mind

Well I didn't change mine

Now here I am trying to make sense of it all

We were best friends now we don't even talk

You broke my heart

Ripped my world apart

So I felt my old self kick into action as I sat there and watched the pictures on the screen. I was not going to sit here and run after someone who obviously did not want to be caught. I was not going to play hard to get. And just to fuck with Tasha, I would stay in the wedding party. I would let her see that she had no effect over me. That her rebound relationship did not phase me. Because that is what she was. A rebound. And guess what? She could keep Dimitri. Eventually, I fell asleep. And I my dreams were not haunted with his piercing words. They were not haunted by the fact that he was getting married or having a child. Instead I did not dream at all. I woke up just as the sun was setting. It was actually a beautiful sunset. It made my bones ache to be outside. In mere minutes I was dressed in leggings and a sports bra. I felt the need to run. Something I had not done since my days at the Academy. It was fairly odd that I craved the pavement under my moving legs. I usually hated running. But it felt nice to stretch out. To be working parts of my body that had not been used in so long. Attending college with Lissa and being a full time guardian, did not leave much room to train or sparr. So I took the opportunity to be in the fresh air. And as I ran, I felt the sensation of all my stress and problems lifting away. I felt my feet pick up pace as I traveled around the small field on Court. My feet carried me and my eye kept straight. My muscles pulsed, coming back to life and my heart beat like the wings of a hummingbird. By the time I had finished almost two miles of laps, the sun had set and the moon hung high in the air. An owl hummed in the distance and life at Court came alive. I sat on a small wooden bench as I took a large swig from the bottle of water I had packed. The cool water slid down my parched throat. I sighed with relief. I was in a happy mood. A mood that was rudely disturbed.

"I see you haven't lost your form." Came his deep accented voice. I lifted my head to see Dimitri take the seat next to me on the bench. I was not in the mood to talk nor be talked to but I was not going to let Dimitri ruin my great morning. For the first time since coming back to Court, it was not painful to look at him. Now my thoughts were murderous towards this man. If you could really call him that. He was no man in my eyes. He was a pathetic boy. He was the fool. Not I. I took another long drink from the water bottle before answering, " I'm a guardian now. No room for blunders."

Dimitri gave me a sideways glance, and I was not afraid to return that glance. My eyes no longer held the hurt they once did. Dimitri seemed to glance away first as he looked out across the wide field.

"I wanted to thank you for whatever you said to Tasha last night. It really cheered her up." Dimitri said not meeting my eyes. I almost rolled over laughing. I bet my words made her feel better. Not even. I shrugged my shoulder, trying to not smile, " It was no big deal."

The silence hung between us and I did not feel uncomfortable at all. Dimitri sighed and met my eyes, " I just do not know how to go about this Rose."

I frowned, finishing off the bottle of water before speaking, " Go about what exactly?"

Dimitri looked away briefly before turning back towards me, " To go about us."

I almost laughed once more. There was no us. Dimitri had made that very clear. It had taken me a long time to realize that. I did not get to voice my opinion before he spoke again, " I never meant to hurt you Roza. I really did not. And I never really intended to be with Tasha either. I just...after returning from that state I was in...I just did not know how to forgive myself for the things I had done to you and to others. It was unbearable. It still is."

There used to be a time where his words would have made me happy. There was no denying that they did stir a desire within me. But there was too much stacked up against Dimitri in my book. Too much that could not be overlooked. The nickname he had used had set my heart beating. But it was not enough to mask the betrayal and anger I felt.

I turned my eyes away, " Well it is in the past now."

Dimitri laughed a bit, " Is it really Rose?"

And then I blew up. Whether it was spirit induced or not, it was a Rose blow up that was long overdue. I felt my hand whip out and slap Dimitri square in the jaw. He seemed taken aback but I did not let him recover from his shock. I went off on a stride of anger.

"Didn't you know how much I loved you? How much you hurt me! How much you still are hurting me. You are a pig. How can you sit here telling me things like this when you are about to get married and have a child on the way. You are a lousy excuse for a man. You should be ashamed." Then I stood, flipped my ponytail back, and walked with a purpose far far away from that asshole.

Didn't you know how much I loved you

Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby

I gave you everything, every part of me

Didn't you feel it when I touched you

Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby

Baby, tell me

Didn't you know how much I loved you

There would always be a special place for Dimitri in my heart. But that love, that need. It was dead. He had no right to mess with my emotions like he was. Just who in the world did he think he was? He was getting married? Did he not have any respect for his future wife? Probably not. He was a sleaze bag. A sleaze bag that I was very confused about.

One day justice will come and find you

And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you

I gave you everything, every part of me

I felt myself walk the pathway back to my room. I walked inside and felt the need to watch away my encounter with Dimitri. I did not want to be tainted by his lies any longer. So as I ran my fingers through my lathered hair, I felt all the misery wash down the drain. I felt my whole spirit rise above all the filth Dimitri had brought upon my life. As I stepped out of the steam and looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the bruising he had left behind. But just like everything, bruises healed. I could heal. Because I was not broken. I was bruised. My heart was bruised. I was still me. I would not let the actions of some guy define me as an individual. I had two feet. I needed to stand up tall and straight. So I was opened the bathroom door, I had planned to do so. Except I was not expecting to see a greying old dhampir woman standing face to face with me. I took a quick step back slightly shocked and found myself falling to the hard tile floor. I fell right on my bottom, towel and all. Yeva's eyes held humor as she shook her head.

"You should have known I was there." Yeva said matter of factly.

I felt my mouth open in protest, " How if I dead bolted the door? I was not expecting anyone to be here."

Yeva shook her head as she walked slowly back into the room, " And you call yourself a guardian."

I did not take offense to the old woman's words. She was old. She deserved the right to bicker. So if she wanted to bicker about me, then so be it. I found my feet as I stood and made sure the towel was secured around my body. Yeva's back was turned to me as she spoke, " Don't worry. You have nothing interesting to see."

I swear the woman was crazy. I walked into my room and sat down on the edge of the bed facing Yeva, " So may I ask how in the hell you found your way inside here?" I glanced at the door. It was still intact and the lock was firmly in place. Yeva nodded her head towards the window. I raised an eyebrow. It was hard to believe an old woman had climbed two floor in order to sneak through a window. However, I did not question the matter any further. I would probably have been scared to know the full tilted her head to the side and then to the other side before she finally spoke, "I can tell you seem better since the last time me and you have spoken. Tell me though. Does my grandson still reside in your heart? Or has his awful actions ruined his chance with the woman he loves?"

I rolled my eyes as I stood to comb my hair, " Yeva, I hate to break it to you, but Dimitri is not in love with me. He's getting married. He has a baby on the way. There's nothing I can about it."

I watched Yeva from the mirror as I brushed out the knots in my hair. She seemed amused and had a peculiar look on her face.

"You are just as ignorant as you were a year ago Hathaway." Yeva said rising from her perch on the plush chair.

I turned appalled, " I am not ignorant. I am just tired of being Dimitri's stepping stool. I'm done being walked on."

Yeva nodded her head, slowly walking towards the door, " Which is understandable. But tell me this. Do you really believe Dimitri would lay down with another woman after feeling so much regret and guilt because of what he did to you?"

I opened my mouth to answer but Yeva stopped me, " No, no. Don't answer that. When you have a real answer. You know where to find me."

And with that she was out the door. I sat there in my room, wrapped in a towel appalled. Yeva was crazy. There was no denying it. I did not think too hard about her words as I felt Lissa whisper through the bond.

Rose, there is a dance rehearsal for the wedding this afternoon.

Her thoughts were apologetic but I just shrugged. Because this wedding. It did not faze me one bit.


	7. Chapter 7: Not Ready

So first off, to all the negative reviews I got I have decided not to answer to them and to also delete them. Not worth my time. Here's a chapter for all of you lovelies. Enjoy :)

Chapter 7: Not Ready

Okay, well maybe it fazed me a tiny bit. Seeing as how I was last minute in this wedding, I had a lot to really pick up. Not that I really planned to do my best work. Lissa was having a hard time as well with the complicated dance Tasha insisted her bridesmaids do. So as I stood among Lissa, Tasha, and 8 other bridesmaids (including the Belikov sisters) listening to an instructor who seemed to be fed up with Tasha's long list of requests, I day dreamed. Yeva had got my head to thinking and the worst part was just when I thought I had everything figured out it all seemed to change. I was quickly brought out of my day dream by Tasha's shrill shriek of horror. I turned my head to notice that she had her phone plastered to her ear and she seemed to be on the verge of tears. Which made everyone in the room very, very nervous for what was about to come. Although lucky for us, none of us were on the receiving end of her anger as she flung her phone across the room and stomped out the door. The phone hit the dance studios mirror. I was momentarily surprised to see the phone was still in one piece. The room was rather quiet and I could hear Lissa contemplating running after Tasha. Fortunately she decided to not face the angry bride. The other women in the room (who were all Moroi except the Belikovs) seemed to sigh in relief as they each slowly escaped from the room. Even the instructor looked happy to be leaving already. I was left with Lissa who was still slightly confused. Tasha's phone rang from it's perch on the floor. I made my way begrudgingly to the phone and did not even read the caller ID as I pressed it to me ear. I didn't even get a chance to answer before a deep panicked voice started speaking urgently, " Tasha! Marshmallow please listen to me! I want to be here for you. Please don't do this to me. I just can't take it." I rolled my eyes before answering, " She's not here Dimitri."

There was a moment of silence before the voice spoke once more, " Dimitri? Who's this?"

It took me a few second before I pulled the phone away to read the caller ID. It was an unknown caller. The voice on the other line kept talking but I quickly hung up. If that wasn't Dimitri...then who would be calling Tasha marshmallow? Then Yeva's words and the phone call all fit together.

Lissa seemed to notice how I was stunned speechless.

"What's wrong Rose?" She asked taking a few hesitant steps towards me. I was being stupid. Tasha would not cheat on Dimitri. So I gave Lissa a quick smile, " Just Dimitri looking for Tasha."

Lissa seemed to be antsy to leave so she just smiled, " Figures." I read her thoughts. She wanted to be with Christian. So I told her to go. She didn't stop before she rushed away. Her thoughts buzzed with longing and I sighed. Lissa was just too wrapped up in her own life right now. I pocketed Tasha's cell phone and turned to exit the small dance studio. I was pretty worn out after my day of exercise and dance lessons but I decided this feeling was a good thing. It replaced that empty feeling I had felt for so long. It made me feel like I was really going to be okay. Because I was.

The more I walked around Court, the more I day dreamed. This place seemed like a completely different place than the one it had been a year ago. It seemed oddly like a stranger. I didn't ponder that thought too much. I was too curious about a place I had been to only a few times before. It was quite hidden away, however it was worth walking around for thirty minutes. The small shop was located almost in a dark alley of Court. It was always my impression that it's location was supposed to be that way.

The small shop that belonged to Ambrose's, a known feeder of the Queen, aunt Rhonda. I had been here before. Rhonda had once predicted that Dimitri would lose something he valued the most. At the time I had been selfish to think it was me, but in the end it had been his soul. Lucky for him, I had helped in giving him back his precious life. I was still paying the price for that act. As I walked in the strong scent of incense met my nose and I felt like my nostrils were going to burn off. The beaded curtain that covered the doorway behind the cash register clinked together as Rhonda stepped out from behind it. She did not seem too surprised to see me. She tsked her tongue before lowering her glasses down the bridge of her nose.

"I was wondering when I would see you again Rosemarie." She said seeming to look me up head to foot. She sighed audibly and turned back towards the curtained room.

"Come along. I don't have all day." She said and disappeared. I followed close behind her and was not at all surprised that the strong smell got even stronger. She sat behind a small table and gestured for me to do the same. I took the seat across from her. She sighed once more, " I take it you have come for a reading have you not?"

I had always thought the woman was a scam artist. Dimitri had been the one to tell me that she was some sort of Romanian witch. I still had my doubts about her so called abilities but so far she had not let me down once. I guess you could say I had sort of gotten soft in my disbelief.

I nodded my head, " I might as well while I am here."

Rhonda smirked as she pulled out her deck of cards and began her shuffling. She ended up dealing out one card first. It was a seven of diamonds. She tilted her head, " The foundation card. Means you are dwelling on something or you need to take something into consideration which you have ignored." She seemed to not ponder too much on the card. However, I did. I had been dwelling on many things lately. It was hard to pinpoint which one exactly her magic deck of cards could be talking about. Was it the fact that I was soon to watch the man I could not deny feeling for get married to a complete witch of a woman? Who knew.

She dealt out another card and sighed, " The crown. You will be forced to make a very important choice that will pull you in many directions. This is a very stressful period. This card depends on how you react to current situations to come to life."

The card was not such a big deal to me. I was always making choices that left me hanging from my toe nails. She dealt out the final card. She momentarily paused before she read the card, " Misfortune, often with a difficult ending and occasionally associated with death. The death may represent the death of a friendship."

Rhonda sighed before she laughed slightly, " Do you ever have good luck Rosemarie?"

The answer was no. I was born in the face of danger. I always had something on my plate. So, no...I had no luck whatsoever.

I didn't stay long after my reading. I paid the small fee and then ended up walking back to my room. The reading had not really helped my hopes to return to the old me, but it had just made everything I had already known more defined. I knew I was minfortunate, I knew I would face things that would tear me apart, and I also knew I had a lot of things to think about. I found myself plopping onto my freshly made bed. My body ached and my mind was tired. I was whooped. So It was really no shocker when I found myself falling asleep. Only to be driven awake by Lissa inside my head. Well more like me inside her head. There were candles and it was rather warm and Lissa was enjoying herself far too much. I pulled out as fast as I could and but up a mental block. I really hated the bond sometimes. I hated having to intrude on Lissa's sexual encounters. It was bizarre and just plain not right. I closed my eyes and was again startled by the buzzing of a cell phone in my pocket. I pulled out Tasha's phone and looked at the screen. It read seven missed calls and two unread texts. I opened the texts only to regret it. They were from Dimitri.

_Tasha where are you? You missed your fitting._

_Tasha! Is everything okay?_

I do not know what provoked me. Maybe it was just sheer curiosity. But I opened up Tasha's photo album. There were pictures of her. Pictures of wedding things like dresses and centerpieces. Then there were pictures of her with Dimitri. I stopped on one. Tasha's hair was flying around her face and Dimitri wa looking anywhere but the camera. He seemed to be lost or bored. The next picture made me smile. Tasha must have noticed he wasn't paying attention because it was very apparent that she was yelling at him. His face was priceless. The last picture was odd. Dimitri now looked at the camera, but his smile was forced. It did not reach his eyes. I turned off the phone off and closed my eyes. I just wanted this wedding to be over with. I wanted to know that Dimitri was for sure long gone from my life. I wanted to know he was happy. So as I sat there and thought, I felt my heart lurch. It was torture watching all of this play out. But it was what I needed.

_Love fades. Mine has._

Did I really want to be depressed over a guy who had hurt me this much? The answer was clear and simple. No. I only wanted to be happy myself. But obviously I could not be happy with Dimitri. I could not be happy with someone who so obviously disregarded my feelings. Who blatantly let me suffer by being a part of his wedding. Sure, I was playing the I am fine card, but anyone who knew the real Rose Hathaway would know I was bluffing. The worse part was that my best friend was so consumed in the fact that she was with her boyfriend that she did not seem to really be around. And as for my own boyfriend? Well, I just did not feel comfortable spilling my heart out to him. Why put him through the same misery? So instead I told myself. I confided all my fears and sadness in myself. I was my own best friend. Well...only for a few minutes. There was a knock on my door and I did not even get time to register and answer before Viktoria Belikov strode in. She took one glance at me and sighed before she climbed into the bed with me and patted my arm.

"There's no point in beating yourself up." She said in a small voice. She seemed sad herself.

I felt my facade almost break away. But I would not allow it. My guardian mask stuck firmly to my face.

"He does not love her. I know my brother Rose. He's just consumed with this regret that is eating up at him. He feels that if he shows you he has moved on that he will no longer be hurting you."

I laughed without any humor, " That's such a great plan. How stupid can he be? He got her pregnant. That does not show that he loves me."

Viktoria was at a loss of words before she sighed once more, " Yeva was right. You aren't ready."

With that, she stood and walked towards the door.

I got to my feet throwing the blanket to the ground. My anger flew.

"Not ready for what? I'm Rose Hathaway god dammit. I'm ready for anything."

Viktoria smirked and stayed silent. Then she tilted her head to the side, " You may think you are ready, but you're not. When you're ready to fight back, to win my brother and save him once more. Then you know where to find me."

Then she turned and walked away leaving me speechless. I was a fighter. Wasn't I?


	8. Author's Note 61314

Thank you to all of my fans! I deeply apoligize for my absence but however I have a good excuse this time. :) As of March 11th, 2014 I had a baby that I names Adrian. I just have not had the time to take care of a newborn and write and keep up the house and help my boyfriend finacially. But I am glad to announce that I will be making a slow transistion back to picking up my stories. My postings will be slightly slow since the only time I can write is when my son is sleeping or in the late hours of the night. Please be patient. I right now am going back and rereading a few chapters since I have kinda forgetten where I was at and all my files were erased from my laptop whish had lots of chapters and plot mapping that I now need to go back and redo. I am planning on having my next chapter for Memoirs up by the end of this month. As for all my other stories I plan on having chapters up for them within the next two months or sooner. I have surgery coming up in a week as well so my schedule is really busy but I miss writing and I know you all are dying to find out what happenes next. Keep an eye out for my updates. Until next time!

~Maryanne and a very wide awake baby Adrian :)


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